Directed by the king of cut-and-paste Godfrey Ho, ‘girls and guns’ flick Princess Madam is actually one of the director’s better efforts. When a secretary agrees to testify in court against a semi-retired Triad boss, two cops, Moon (Moon Lee) and Lisa (Sharon Yeung), are ordered to protect her from being assassinated. When Moon kills a would-be assassin, his girlfriend (played by Michiko Nishiwaki) vows revenge. Matters are complicated further when Lisa’s stepfather, an accomplice of the Triad boss under investigation, is ordered to sever all ties with his stepdaughter. Add in a plot twist and you have a decent narrative which unfortunately becomes muddled due to shoddy editing.

The problem, it seems, is that Godfrey Ho couldn’t decide which plot line to focus on, and as such, Princess Madam meanders between numerous sub-plots before dropping most of them almost all-together. The film eventually finds its focus about half-way through and concentrates on Sharon Yeung’s character, Lisa, who is torn between upholding the law and honouring her stepfather. Yeung brings some surprising depth to her character and, along with Moon Lee, provides some decent, if slightly generic action sequences. With the presence of Moon Lee, Michiko Nishiwaki and Sharon Yeung, one would have expected the action scenes to have been better than they are. Whilst they are entertaining they certainly don’t break new ground, and the film has a tendency to rely a little too heavily on poorly choreographed shootouts.

Although the film appears to have been made very cheaply and, judging by the muddled editing, very quickly, Princess Madam is a fun flick which keeps a steady pace and never becomes boring. It’s just a shame that Godfrey Ho didn’t hire a better editor.

6/10

1) Buy tickets in advance. Screenings tend to sell out.

2) Arrive promptly. If the ticket says it starts at 7:30, then it generally starts at 7:35.

3) Remember to take a jacket, otherwise the air-con is gonna freeze you.

4) Expect to hear a phone ringing and someone saying ‘Wai?’ every 10 minutes or so.

5) And if the person sitting next to you is talking, don’t be afraid to tell them to SHUT UP!

Whilst living in Hong Kong I’ve become a master chef and can conjure up four highly versatile meals; beans on toast, spaghetti bolognaise (sauce from a jar), pizza (courtesy of pizza box) and a basic stir-fry. Although I’ve tried many different and new Asian foods (inc. snake, chicken feet and sushi) in resturants, I always make the same meal at home; stir-fry green vegetables with pork dumplings and rice. Maybe my reluctance to try something new is because the juxtaposition of green peppers, chili sauce and moist dumplings crates a delightful flavour explosion unmatched by other meals. Or perhaps it’s because I’m too lazy to venture into unkown terretories and cook something new. Whatever the reason, I’d like to share my excellent recipie with you and possibly introduce you to something you’ve never tried before - pork dumplings.

HOW TO COOK THE EASIEST STIR-FRY EVER.

Step one - Cook rice

Start by cooking the rice in the convenient rice-cooker. Rice takes the longest to cook at about 15 minutes so I do this first. 

Step two - Prepare vegetables

While the rice is cooking I start my chopping the greens. Usually green peppers, some garlic and some green beans.

Step three - Fry the vegetables

Put oil in frying pan and fry the vegetables. I usually over fry them till they’re a bit crispy.

Step four - Add sauce. Lots of sauce

While the veg is frying add sauce. I usually use a black bean variety of sauce or a chili sauce of some kind.

Step five - Boil the dumplings

Next the dumplings need to be boiled in a pan. Dumplings are little parcels of meat and veg usually with some kind of juice inside. I usually get pork and cabbage but there are plenty of other meat combos available. They’re delicious and every fan of asian food should try them.

Step six - Stir sauce into rice

Add your sauce of choice to the rice. I used the same sauce as I used to fry the veg but you’re probably more adventurous then me.

Step seven - Mix veg with rice

Hoy the veg into the rice-cooker and mix away.

Step eight - Put on plate

Take the rice/veg and place on a plate. Add the dumplings. Note: don’t place the chopsticks side-by-side as it apparently means ‘death’ in Hong Kong.

Step nine - Eat!

Eat.

And there you have it. A delicious, cheap, simple Chinese stir-fry to impress your friends/girlfriend/boyfriend/mum/dad/family/dog* with.

(*delete as appropriate)

Since I’m a huge fan of Hong Kong cinema and I’m currently living in Hong Kong I figured I’d start to review some of the films I’ve been watching. Movies are a huge part of the culture here. It’s not unusual to find huge queues outside cinemas as early as 3pm on a weekday. One great thing for a fan like me is the availability of cheap 2nd hand films. VCD was (and still is to some extent) the most popular home video format in Hong Kong. For those who don’t know, VCD (Video CDs) is a low cost format which uses standard CDs to present films with Mpeg 1 video. Due to the limitation of CDs (around 700mb as opposed to DVDs 4.7gb) films are generally spread over two discs. Whilst new releases on DVD retail for around $95HKD (about £9) VCDs start at around $40HKD (under £4). One of my favourite areas of Hong Kong to shop is Sham Shui Po (which will no doubt feature in a tumblr post soon). There, amongst the stalls selling 2nd hand electronic goods, one can find thousands of VCDs, usually selling 3 for $10 (under £1!). Being a total movie geek I’ve bought a ton of films since I’ve been here, most of which I’ll probably never watch (a continuing trend for anyone who knows me back home). Anyway I hope to start reviewing some of the lesser known titles amongst my collection for this tumblr and cityonfire.com.

Beauty Investigator (1992)

Two bickering partners are ordered to go undercover at a hostess club in order to capture a ‘sexual maniac’ who is murdering women. Whilst scouting out the club they learn that a triad gang is planning a war with a rival Japanese gang over arms trading. In an attempt to impress their superior, the cops decide to take on both cases whilst avoiding a mysterious female Japanese assassin who is working for the Triad gang.

I love ‘girls and guns’ action films. For those who don’t know, this genre was widely popular during the so called ‘golden era’ of Hong Kong cinema in the 1980s. Typically, films feature female centered action scenes and a strong female protagonist (usually a cop) who must use her excellent fighting skills to beat the crap out of the bad guys and prove herself in a male dominated society. What’s unique about the genre is that, despite the obvious threat they pose, the women are very rarely sexualised and are shown to be just as skilled at fighting, if not more so, then their male counterparts. The films in the ‘girls and guns’ genre are generally low-ish budget B-movies packed with cliches that nevertheless delivery some great action and excitement. The genre launched the careers for such stars as Cynthia Rothrock, Moon Lee, Yukari Oshima and Michelle Yeoh.

Despite being a fairly average girls and guns actioner, I rather enjoyed Beauty Investigator. The scenes in which the two undercover girls try to avoid the advances of perverted old men are amusing and light-hearted, although the comedy is a bit forced at times. As always Moon Lee and Yukari Oshima are fantastic and deliver some great action scenes including an excellent car chase. Towards the end of the film there is a shocking and completely pointless twist that would have spoiled the film had it not been for the satisfying warehouse finale in which the girls blast and kick their way through hordes of bad guys.

Beauty Investigator doesn’t break any new ground and is as clichéd as they come, but that’s what I enjoyed about it; I knew exactly what to expect and the film delivered. And isn’t that what you want from genre cinema? Although the Universe VCD is rated Cat III, for better or worse the infamous Sophia Crawford shower scene was edited out.

6/10

Although my experience in teaching is limited, there are some very distinct differences I’ve picked up on whilst teaching in Hong Kong compared to my work experience at a school in England.

One of the most striking differences is how politically correct schools in the UK are compared to schools in Hong Kong. During a lesson on disibility in Hong Kong, for example, teachers referred to mentally disabled people as ‘mentally handicapt’; a term which would never, ever, be used by teachers in a British school for fear of being un-PC.

In another example, a class of mine were learning about bullying. The local teacher posed the question “are there any bullies in your class?”. before leading a forum asking children to name and shame the bullies in their class. This friendly discussion quickly turned into a bitter trail as almost every child nominated the same boy. The boy under fire sat alone looking rather distressed as alligations were voiced left, right and centre. Rather then stopping the discussion and moving on, the teacher asked more probing questions and was clearly on the side of the other students. The local teachers then scolded the boy, who wasn’t allowed to make a case from himself.  I found the situation very uncomfortable as the boy looked rather upset and bewildered by it all. The fact is, the boy’s bad behavior is a result of isolation; where as all the students are from Hong Kong and are excellent at languages, the ‘bully’ in question is originally from mainland China and struggles with English and Cantonese. He’s a classic case; he is picked on for his low ability and as a result, he uses his somewhat larger frame to fight and bully other students*. His bad behavior is a direct reaction to the cruel taunts he faces from his classmates for being an underachiever. 

Whilst I understand that bullying needs to be addressed, I feel the way in which the local teacher conducted it was very inappropriate; if anything, the bully in question is likely to feel alienated and embarrassed and thus will act more aggressively towards his classmates. In England the bully would have been asked to explain his behavior and give reasons. Perhaps then he may have had the chance to justify his actions. Earlier at work today, the local teacher told the troubled child “if you were my son I’d beat you hard!”. I laughed out loud in disbelief when she said this. You’d get fired in England for saying that, or worse. I then began to feel very sad for the ‘bully’. It seems as long as he struggles with English and Mandarin, he’ll be the butt of the other students jokes and will feel the need to retaliate. I only hope I can help him gain some confidence with his language skills (he actually knows most of the basics, he just lacks confidence in himself) and help him integrate with his classmates.

*his bullying is limited to occasionally pushing other students and making fun of their names. I’ve never seen, nor heard of him punching or fighting as such. Whilst I’m not condoning his behavior, is it really any worse then the cruel teacher-endorsed taunting he has received?